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The Day-to-Day Difficulties for Queer Women

Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

Even though Pride Month is over, I would like to encourage everyone to consider the day-to-day struggles that LGBTQIA people face. Not just the big stuff that we are always hearing about, but the little things.

Picture this: You are on a date with your girlfriend, in public. You want to hold her hand. But you look around first to make sure you are in a safe place. People will still give you dirty looks. If you kiss her goodbye, you might have someone come up to you and say, “Excuse me, but there are children here.” (Straight couples never think twice about PDA; I have seen them practically groping each other in public.)

You get engaged to her. You want to do a public proposal. You have to plan this very carefully, because there might be a hateful person who wants to ruin one of the most special moments of your life.

You two look at a wedding venue. You are very nervous calling; you have to do extensive research beforehand to see if they have previously hosted gay weddings.

You put no announcement in the paper because it would be completely legal for the Westboro Baptist Church to picket your wedding, a day which is supposed to bring nothing but happiness.

You have to think once, twice, three times about whether or not your relatives will say something, or if they will come at all.

You have always wanted to go to Italy for your honeymoon, but it is one of the worst European countries for gay rights. What will happen to you there? Will you even be able to enjoy yourself? Does that mean you should not go at all?

You make a doctor’s appointment. The sees you holding your wife’s hand in the waiting room and explains how, thanks to the current political administration, she can override the Hippocratic Oath because she will not treat someone of your “lifestyle".

Your coworkers notice your ring and offer their congratulations. They would love to meet your husband. You laugh. Should you tell them? If they act differently toward you, will your supervisor do something or shrug it off?

You look for a new apartment. A lot of the landlords are not renting to “couples". You could swear that was not in the ad, but you have no proof.

You go to buy furniture. The employees do not ask if you need any help. The cashier asks how long you have been friends.

You decide neither of you want to be pregnant. You want to adopt. I will refrain from exploring the minefield of difficulties there. Religious people have a legal license to discriminate against you. Not giving them that right would be discrimination against them. Other people are allowed to force you out of their spaces; you are allowed to hope for the best.

People tell you to move to a “more tolerant” place like New York, because “what can you expect?” You move there. Rent is $2000 a month. People still fucking hate you.

This level of discrimination is not even close to being “over” just because gay marriage is now legal in many countries. We have a long, long way to go, in America and everywhere else in the world. Keep that in mind.

But I still love being bisexual. And happy pride to every member of the LGBTQIA community, always.


Bethany Sattur is a Copy Editor for The Rational Creature.

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